Getting Noticed: A primer.

According to the subject line of this email, this coat will get me noticed.

Let's go in for a closeup, shall we?



















Yes, well, I suppose someone would notice if I wearing this shiny, poofy, ugly-as-sin coat Nordstrom is hocking. They would notice me, and they would say to themselves, "Gee, I'm pretty sure I had that coat in 1989. Yes, in fact, I know I did. I wore it on the playground in sixth grade while playing tag with my best friend Tiffany. Over my NKOTB sweatshirt and leggings. Remember how cool my hair looked crimped?"

Just the type of reaction every girl hopes for when wearing something new.

Please spend your $149 elsewhere. Perhaps on one of these other truly attention-grabbing (in a good way) coats from Nordstrom. Coats Nordstrom should have highlighted in this email instead of that monstrously out-of-date-looking pufftastic piece of outerwear. Coats people may actually be inclined to purchase.

I don't blame the nice folks at Nordstrom for this error in judgment. I blame the coat's "Fine Shine." It's hard to be discerning with that much late 80s/early 90s glitz coming at you.

This is too cool.

I have always been obsessed with mysteries. And if there's a murder involved — well, that's even better.

I know, I'm weird. But I accept that about myself. And you should, too.

What started out as a deep love for Nancy Drew turned into an obsession with Agatha Christie, a playful interest in Lillian Jackson Braun (she writes cat mysteries — they are great, don't judge me), and a mindless affair with Mary Higgins Clark. And while I haven't read anything by any of these authors in quite some time (like maybe 10 years), I still get my mystery fix in the following two ways:

1) Clue. THE BEST BOARD GAME ON EARTH. (Do not argue with me. I am a good arguer, and I will win.) There are two versions - Clue, and Clue Master Detective. The latter is the expanded version, and it's my favorite. Unfortunately for you, they don't make it anymore. But fortunately for ME, my mom bought it for me on eBay last year. My parents also still have my original game from 1988. Secretly, I always wanted to live in the Clue mansion. Despite the likeliness of losing my life in the library, with the wrench, at the hands of Professor Plum.

2) Crime shows. I am a die-hard fan of Law & Order: SVU, but also enjoy the occasional episode of CSI. I really liked CSI a few years ago (as did the rest of the planet), but then we got a DVR and I got hooked on a million shows and had to cut something out. And I'm sorry, there is no contest between Gil Grissom and Elliot Stabler. Have you seen Stabler without a shirt? Um, yeah. So now I just watch SVU, though I catch reruns of CSI here and there.

So, there you go. I love mysteries. Ideally, I would spend my days solving them. Which is why I find the prospect of visiting CSI: The Experience incredibly exciting.

I mean, really. Could there be anything cooler than scanning crime scenes, collecting evidence and trying to crack three cases — for the bargain admission price of $16 per person?

I think not.

Well, unless it was Clue: The Experience. But that would be waaay too good to be true.

Poetry for people like me.

I love Brian Andreas.

His work used to be kind of hard to find (I purchased my first print in the mid-90s), but now he's pretty mainstream. Still, I find he has an uncanny way of capturing things I think or feel but can never say — things that would sound overly romantic and/or insane in conversation. Which is why I would like to fill my entire house with his work. That way, I wouldn't have to say anything. I could just point.

While I have many favorites, I have always coveted this one:

As long as the sun shall rise goes the old lovers vow.
But we are children of a scientific age & have no time for poetry.
Still, I offer a quiet prayer of thanks for the sunlight each time I see your face.

If such a simple — albeit beautiful — statement can be poetic, why is it that we have no time for poetry?

Don't be fooled. We have time. Plenty of it. We just spend it all watching that horrible remake of 90210. (By "we" I clearly mean "you people." I would never watch something so poorly acted.)

I came across a public art display online today — Everyday Poems for City Sidewalks. It's an incredible idea, stamping poetry into sidewalks. Who doesn't have time to enjoy a few lines of poetry while walking the dog or waiting for the bus?

Kudos to artist Marcus Young for making poetry part of our everyday lives. Especially those of us who live in Saint Paul and spend way too much time watching bad TV.