On naming.

I have the following conversation about, oh, fifty times a day.

--
Friend/family member/colleague: "Aw, you're having a girl? Do you have a name picked out?"
Me: "Not really."
F/FM/C: "Do you have any contenders?"
Me: "Not really."
F/FM/C: "Well, I can't wait to find out!"
Me: Smiles, changes subject
--

For reasons unknown to me, my mom has been telling everyone our daughter's name is Olivia. Even my dad, who called to tell me how much he liked our choice. (Thanks, Mom.) Don't get me wrong, I think Olivia is a darling name. But it's not the name we've chosen. And yes, we've chosen a name. Tentatively. And no, we are not sharing it with you, even though you are by far our favorite parent/friend/sibling/colleague/fellow blogger. And here's why:

People are rude.

Not you, of course. You're delightful and kind. And I'm certain the rudeness is unintentional. But it seems even the nicest people have no problem saying things like "You're kidding, right?" or "Oh, I knew a ________ in high school, she smelled bad" or "Oh, that's really popular. How about _________?" in response to potential (and even final) baby names.

Which is just...no. Not okay. Why would anyone think that's okay?

Unless you were an active participant in the child's creation, will be pushing it out of your hooha, or plan to cover its expenses from birth through age 18, you don't get to voice your opinion on this matter. Instead, you get to say "Oh, that's wonderful!" or "I'm sure little Zelda will be just beautiful" or "What a lovely tribute to your great grandfather's sister's brother!" because someone has just been kind enough to open up and share something very personal and exciting with you.

You do not get to say "Wow, um, huh. That's different..." to the child's parents while making a face like you just swallowed a gallon of spoiled milk.

We got a wide range of reactions to Calvin's name. Some loved it, others did not. While it hurt my feelings to hear negative feedback on a name Nate and I had lovingly and thoughtfully selected for our baby, we still used it. Because it was OUR perfect name for OUR child. And I don't think there's a person out there who would say the name Calvin doesn't fit our son. In fact, I've yet to meet a child who didn't fit their name, even when it's a name I wouldn't choose myself.

Names are 100% subjective, and everyone has their own criteria for choosing one. Nate and I like classic, old-fashioned names with a twist. Names you can say and spell easily, but that aren't commonly used. And we both feel strongly about using family names. Calvin's middle name is John, which is both Nate's middle name and the first name of his beloved grandfather. Our daughter's middle name will carry on that tradition. In choosing our children's names, we strive to honor our families while still expressing our own tastes — and the dreams we have for our kids and who they'll grow to be.

Truth is, names that sound silly or stupid or downright ugly to me and you might be beautiful and meaningful to someone else — for reasons we don't know or understand. Which is why I firmly believe the only appropriate response to someone else's baby name is a glowing one. No faces, no offering other options, no opinions. Just smiles and congratulations, and maybe a few jokes with your significant other behind closed doors later on if it's really terrible.

So, yes. Nate and I are pretty sure we have a name for our daughter. And we'll be more than happy to share it with all of you...as soon as she's born.

We're hoping it will be harder for people to make the spoiled milk face while looking at our pretty girl.