Gifted.

Is there anything better than the look of wonder filling your child's face on Christmas morning?

I think not.

Except maybe finding out your husband unexpectedly has the day off, and your last Christmas as a family of three can actually take place on Christmas day.

Truly the greatest gift I could have received this year.

Although the joy on Calvin's face all day long...

Well, that was pretty wonderful, too.

Reading 'Twas the Night Before Christmas with Dad.


And the Bible story of Jesus' birth with Mom.


Christmas morning at home.










Christmas day at Grandma and Grandpa's.

It's Thursday.

I started the day with shampoo in my eyes, which was unpleasant enough. But that was followed closely by a startlingly large spider waiting for me outside the shower, and then by me somehow running straight into the toilet, which I'm pretty has always been in that same exact spot. The highlight of my morning was managing to successfully hide in Calvin's room with a bowl of cereal. I had to hide my cereal consumption because we didn't have time for both of us to have a bowl of cereal and I really needed one because I felt like I was going to pass out from low blood sugar. And if that had happened, well, we would have been even later than we already were.

One irritated eye, dead spider, stubbed toe, banged-up shin, bowl of cereal, and late daycare drop off later, I made it to work. But not without a quick stop at Target first, where I purchased a new cardigan. The one I chose to wear over my tank this morning didn't even remotely cover my bra straps, which I didn't notice until I was almost to work. While I occasionally lack modesty, I don't usually show up to work with lacy bra straps a blazin'. I blame my shampoo eyes for that oversight.

It's been a day. I'm really tired. I'm a little grouchy. My toe is kind of sore. But, gosh darnit, I am going to write a Thankful Thursday post. It's been a while, and I've got some thankful to share. But none from this morning, of course. This morning sucked.

Without further ado, today's list of things that have nothing to do with today but I'm thankful for nonetheless:

1. Cloud 9 by Tresics t-shirts. Never heard of that brand? Me neither. Until I went to Marshall's and found this super soft cute grey t-shirt for $5.99. I think I've had it for maybe two months and it's already been worn more than most items of clothing I own, even the two t-shirts I still wear from my junior year of high school. After unsuccessfully scouring the internet for more Cloud 9 t-shirts, I finally went back to Marshall's, where I found three more. If you live near a Marshall's, go. Now. Best t-shirts ever.

2. I have an office! We're talking four walls, a big window, and — most importantly — a DOOR. When I was hired seven years ago, there were four of us in marketing, I was at the bottom of the food chain, and I shared a cubicle with all of the marketing samples. Two years later there were four of us in marketing, I was second from the bottom, my intern got to sit with the samples, and I got to move into a slightly larger cubicle without a window. A year after that everyone in my department left, two new people were added, and I was back at the bottom of the (slightly smaller) food chain. However, I got a promotion and was moved into a cubicle with three walls and a big window. And now there are only two of us in marketing, we work as partners, and I have my own office. The office my boss had when I first started here. I've successfully made my way from minion to manager. While my job hasn't changed much — in fact, I now just do the work of all three people without oversight — there's something very satisfying about looking back at my past from the comfort of my new office.

3. Windows are Rolled Down by Amos Lee. That song is on repeat. Like, all the time.

4. I am head-over-heels in love with So You Think You Can Dance this season. I feel like everyone is really talented, and so far there have been some pretty decent routines. I am such a sucker for the contemporary pieces. Like this one, for example. Or this one. Sigh. Such a guilty summer pleasure.

5. I've started listening to audio books on the way to and from work. I don't know why this never struck me as a good idea before, because I love to read and I don't have time to read and I spend a solid hour blankly staring out the window of my car every day. My friend Jennifer loaned me Janet Evanovich's Two for the Dough, the second book in a series I've tried to read based on a number of recommendations, but could never get into. And I loved it. I mean, the Evanovich books are kind of a cheap thrill and by no means literary masterpieces, but who wants to think while driving? It took me about a week to get through that book, and now I'm onto the next one. My commute has improved tenfold.

6. Tomorrow's blog post, which I've been working on for a few months. Good things take time, you know.

Happy Thursday!

Thankful for Thursday [Crabby Abby Edition]

I'm cranky today. My toddler is driving me bananas. It's freezing cold outside, again. I was late for work because I forgot something at home. I'm hungry.

For all those reasons, I am going to force myself to sit down and write a Thankful for Thursday post. I don't know why, really. Something about being thankful even when you don't feel like it blah blah better person blah. Whatever. I'm just going to do it.

1. Clinique Touch Base for Eyes in Petal Shimmer. You guys, I have eyelid wrinkles. This is a fairly recent development, and I just have to say I expected a bit more time on the whole aging/falling face thing. Feels like I'm really starting to look my age, which is just shy of 32. I should not have eyelid wrinkles or fine lines in my early 30s! (Kids, wash your face and wear sunscreen.) And recently I noticed I was getting that gross eye shadow crease in my eye, where all the color bunches in one wrinkly line by the end of the day. I used to use eyeshadow primer all the time but once I had Calvin spending $15 on primer just didn't seem worth the trip to the mall or the cost. But as soon as I noticed the gross eyeshadow crease I hightailed it to the mall and let me tell you — it's worth the trip and the money. Also worth the money: eye cream. Buy it while you're still young and use it. Use the heck out of it. It's too late for me, but it may not be for you.

2. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Oh, dear sweet Mickey. Where would I be without you? Probably even further into crazy town. I love you. Thanks also go to Comcast for offering MMC on demand. Bless you, large corporate conglomerate. I don't care if you are ridiculously overpriced and our only cable option. As long as you continue providing me with a few precious moments of peace after work everyday, I will gladly continue writing you obscenely large checks every month.

3. Reruns of How I Met Your Mother. For the past 5+ years, I have watched Friends reruns every. single. night. before bed. It's the comfort food of television for me. I watch plenty of primetime sitcoms, but all of them lack the familiarity and lovable goofiness of Friends. But, back when I was on maternity leave, I started watching How I Met Your Mother through Netflix. I think I watched all four seasons in about two weeks. I love it. And now it's on Lifetime every. single. night. at the same time as Friends. Which is actually perfect, because now if an icky Friends episode is on (like the one where Ross and Rachel are on a break and he sleeps with Chloe the copy shop girl), I have an alternative. Whereas my only previous alternative was the news. Sadly, I would absolutely choose Ross and Rachel on a break over the news. And I really hate that episode.

4. 98% fat-free hot dogs, Laughing Cow cheese wedges, fruit, and Weight Watchers ice cream sandwiches. Without which, I would be five pounds heavier today. Oh, and a special shout-out to the mega water bottle/straw cup thingy I got from the hospital when I had Calvin. That thing has been getting some serious use the last week and a half. And some interesting comments from passersby at work. I guess it's kind of weird to have a large cup that says "MATERNITY CARE" on the side at work, huh? It's hard to know what's appropriate when you grew up in a household where all the pens, pads of paper, and staplers said things like "Cymbalta" and "Ortho Tri Cylen" on them.

5. Dog Days are Over by Florence + The Machine. I totally love this song. Sometimes I play it on repeat at work because it makes me super productive. And because I not-so-secretly hope to annoy my coworkers.

6. Goodwill. Am I the only mom who makes a decent living but still gets great pleasure out of dressing her child in clothes from Goodwill? I've started scouting it out a few times a month because I get the coolest stuff there, including really great deals on barely-worn brand name clothes for Calvin. (Half-price Toddler Thursdays, y'all!) I love it. In fact, I think I might have to dedicate an entire post to my Goodwill finds sometime soon...

7. A new job! Nate has a new job and I can finally post it because he gave his notice at the hospital yesterday! It's been a long road, but God has been good to us and Nate was offered a nursing job at the hospital where he wants to work (right near our house in downtown St. Paul), on the floor where he wants to work (Med/Surg), and in a shift that is flexible and will work for our family (day/evening rotating). I am so proud of him and so grateful for God's provision and faithfulness these last few years. Also thankful for the truckload of vacation time Nate gets to cash out from his current employer, which leads us to Thankful for Thursday item number 8:

8. The adorable and quite cheerful red pedestal table in my living room. :) (You had to know if I was obsessed enough to post it on the blog I was obsessed enough to buy it, right? Nate sure did...) It wasn't in the budget when I posted it, but we made the decision to set aside money for it this month and then the buying process sped up significantly with the news of Nate's new job. Good thing, too, because there really were limited quantities. I LOVE it. Although it does make our couches look a little tired and now I need new artwork and pillows...

9. Snuggle time with my cute little boy this morning. Cal's started saying "No no no Mama!" and waving me away every time I get near him, so it was kind of nice to hear his cries for me this morning. Even if it was at 5:15am.

10) An upcoming date night with my valentine, thanks to my kind in-laws.

Okay, I feel better. :)

Happy Thursday!

Resolutions.

I never make resolutions at the new year. I see no point in doing so — no one keeps them, myself included. We make all these lofty and demanding goals for ourselves at the beginning of the year, start out with every intention of achieving them, and then the collective momentum inevitably dies around January 15. By the end of the year we're all five pounds heavier, disgusted with ourselves for failing, and once again claiming "the diet begins January 1!"

So stupid.

I'm not big on the resolutions, but I'll admit there's something inspiring about a new year. January brings us a fresh start, a clean slate, an opportunity for reinvention. This appeals greatly to my inner perfectionist, which is probably why every year around this time I get the itch to reorganize my house, buy an entirely new wardrobe, and start using a planner. I want order and peace in my house, my closet, my life. I want to live in Pottery Barn, or at the very least a Real Simple magazine spread. I want a white couch and sparkling floors and big bowls of fresh lemons on my kitchen counter.

I want order and peace and perfection, but what I have is...chaos. Messiness. Lack of control. Snot on almost every item of clothing I own.

I have a kid, a dog, a husband, and a full-time job. Order and peace are not on the menu these days. Dishes in the sink, toys on the floor, fingerprints on every possible surface, a never ending pile of laundry, stacks of bills to be paid...this is what I have to work with right now. And by "right now" I mean "for the next 18 years, at least."

Reconciling my wants and my haves is not easy. I tend to set ridiculous expectations of myself — to be the perfect wife, mother, friend, employee, housekeeper, hostess — and I fail. Over and over again. And of course I do, because you can't have sparkling floors and a white couch when you have a family. You can't work full-time and make a gourmet meal from scratch every night. You can't carve out significant time for your friends when you barely have time to see your husband and child.

I don't need more failure in my life, which is why I typically avoid making resolutions. But what's the difference between making big unattainable goals at the beginning of the year and failing and setting small unattainable goals for yourself every single day and failing?

Yeah, not much. And that's how I arrived at this very important (and yes, quite obvious) conclusion:

Perfection does not exist.

I say that for my benefit, not yours. Although maybe you need to hear it, too?

PERFECTION DOES NOT EXIST.

This is my new mantra. This is my New Year's resolution. To let go of perfect. To stop expecting so much of myself. To just be. To enjoy my family. To embrace the chaos. To stop apologizing for the dust bunnies on my kitchen floor. To not feel bad if dinner consists of hot dogs and frozen green beans again. To laugh. To wear unflattering old sweatpants to the store on Saturdays. To say no when I can't — or don't want to — do something. To accept that romance at this stage of life might just be frozen pizza in front of the tv with the man I love. To do what's best for my family, even if others disagree. To let guests help with the dishes. To leave work at work. To bake a lot, and eat it. To drink a little too much wine once in a while. To let go of the guilt. To smile at the fingerprints coating my walls. To have joy. To praise God in the good and bad, knowing there's a reason for the madness. To let tomorrow worry about itself.

I'm not perfect, and I never will be. But I am perfectly loved by the one who created me. By a husband who adores me, just as I am. By a little boy who thinks I hung the moon. By friends who couldn't care less about dust bunnies. By a family who has always stood by me.

This year, I resolve to be happy. With who I am, where I am, and what I have. Because that's what I think New Year's resolutions — or any resolutions, for that matter — should be about: finding ways to be the happiest, most perfectly YOU version of yourself. There is room for self-improvement, sure, but there is also room for self-acceptance.

And the you-est version of me really likes to eat, so rest assured, there will be no resolving to diet anytime soon. But maybe a little exercise to balance things out a bit...

Thankful.

This Thanksgiving, I was thankful for:

My sweet parents, who drove 800 miles to be with us. And by "us" I mean Calvin. Nate and I have gracefully accepted our demotion to chopped liver.





(This is terrible of Cal but so cute of my parents that I had to include it.)


My lovely and always generous in-laws, who hosted Thanksgiving for 20 people and three dogs (Sorry, Denny...I only got a picture of Mary!).


Another holiday with Grandma Adele, who made her famous lefsa.



(Not as thankful for the lefsa itself, though. I try it every year, and every year I make a similar "you people are crazy" face. Calvin seemed to enjoy it, though.)


A sleeping Matilda, something never before seen at a family gathering.


Time spent with people we love (some of whom didn't make it on the camera, unfortunately).





My amazing pie-making skills, without which we would have been starving and dessert-less.


(Yeah, not even close.)


My incredible husband, who really is just the cutest guy ever.


And, finally, my precious Calvin, for whom I am thankful every single day.




In case you were wondering, yes - that last one is a picture of Calvin's first kiss. The first of MANY first kisses he had with Madelyn that night. Luckily, Miss Madelyn is more than capable of sticking up for herself.

Thankful for Thursday: Part Deux.

By reader request, another Thankful for Thursday post. I don't know why this has been requested of me, but it seems like an easy enough way to get something new on the blog. Sorry for the dud of a week, gang. I'm kinda tired, and no blog post is better than boring blog post.

Without further ado, today's list of things for which I am thankful:

1. 102.9 LITE FM. I keep this station as a pre-set in my car even though it's full of stuff I hate like Phil Collins because come mid-November it becomes all Christmas music, all the time. And today while flipping through my stations I landed on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. HOORAY! (Somewhere Nate is crying, because it's highly unlikely we'll be listening to anything else between now and December 31.)

2. Pumpkin spice creamer. I can't afford a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks everyday (though I'd like to think I can), so I was anxious to get this beloved creamer for work and home. It took multiple visits to multiple stores and a few fist shakes to the sky (WHY IS SUPER TARGET ALWAYS OUT OF EVERYTHING I WANT?), but I finally found it last week, and I'm enjoying a steaming cup of happiness as I type. Nate recently said "Why don't you and fall just get a room?" and to that I would like to publicly reply "If only!" because I love fall and would gladly get a room with it if for no other reason than the ability to sleep in.

3. The shirt I'm wearing. It looks like a blazer but it's a sweater. Similar to leggings, this jacket allows me to be dressed down while looking slightly dressed up. If I keep this up, I might be able to patent an entirely new genre of work apparel. It will be called "Business Lazy" and I will make millions. Which I will use to buy more leggings and sweaters that look like jackets, of course.

4. Boden. I remain hopelessly devoted to this brand, because they give me no other choice. I got a clever little letter from Mr. Johnnie Boden this week, thanking me for helping to make Mini Boden a success "across the pond." It came with a $25 voucher for Mini Boden, no minimum purchase required. Which is like a free item of clothing for Calvin! (Almost.)

5. The power of social media. There was a Twitter/Facebook firestorm yesterday over Amazon selling a disgusting, disgusting book that is extremely harmful to children — and they ended up taking it off their site. Seems all you need to change the world these days is a web-enabled mobile device and a hashtag. Technology is good. And, thankfully, people still are, too.

6. Glee. This week's episode tackled bullying in all forms, and led to a shocking and sweet turn of events. It's been kind of weird this season, so I was glad to be sucked back in.

7. Tuesday nights. My mother-in-law spends every Tuesday night at our house with the munchkin so Nate and I can have some free time. I love and appreciate this so much; if not for Mary I would never get to have dinner with my friends, get my hair done, or have a date with my husband. Tuesdays and Mary are the best.

8. Google. Every time I hear a song I like in a commercial, I Google some random vague description of whatever I can remember from it and wa-la! Google figures it out. This week it was the song from the McDonald's McRib commercial, which for some reason I thought was a Target commercial about sandwiches. Google still figured it out. Matt White, Love. Cute song.

9. Infant's Motrin (Target brand). LIFESAVER. It's been a rough week in our house and Calvin's mouth.

10. A plans-free weekend ahead of me. Nate's working and it's supposed to snow(!!), so I'm going to decorate for Thanksgiving, bake, and spend some quality time with my little man. Can't wait.

Happy Thursday!

Thankful for Thursday.

In no particular order, these are the random things I'm thankful for today:

1) The pumpkin spice latte keeping me awake this morning. Calvin got up at bloody 4am and spent the next two hours rolling all over our bed. Nate and I were like zombies heading off to work.
2) Leggings. I don't know why I shunned this trend at first — it's like wearing pjs to work.
3) A work environment where leggings are considered appropriate office attire. At least I think they are. No one's said anything to me yet...
4) The tv show Castle. I love it. I don't know why, but it's kind of addictive. Actually, I do know why: Nathan Fillion is quite charming.
5) My sweet husband, who is flying solo again this weekend so I can get away for my annual shopping trip with my mom, mother-in-law, sister-in-law and friends.
6) My college roommate, who is flying from Michigan to Minnesota to go see Joshua Radin in concert with me two weeks from now.
7) Calvin's latest and greatest phrase: "Whasat? Whasat? Mama, Mama, Mama! Whasat?"
8) Peanut butter-filled pretzels from Trader Joe's.
9) Trailers for the upcoming Harry Potter movie, which I'm pretty darned excited about.
10) A lunch date with my girlfriends from work this afternoon.
11) The conclusion of political ads on tv.
12) Bobby pins. I am way overdue for a haircut and I would probably shave my head out of frustration if it wasn't for the bobby pins containing (most of) my frizz.

Things I am not thankful for today:

1) Teething.

Twelve years ago.

Twelve years ago, as a sophomore transfer student at Taylor University, there was a lot I didn't know.

I didn't know when I moved into Bergwall Hall, room 306, I was about to meet my lifelong friends.

I didn't know the group of girls living next door — girls I admired and thought both pretty and fun — would soon welcome me in as one of their own.

I didn't know that we would spend the next three years living together — swapping clothes, telling secrets, sharing meals, having dance parties, taking millions of pictures, and learning to love each other.

I didn't know that way too soon college would end and we'd all be living in different states, with daily interaction limited to emails, letters, and phone calls.

I didn't know that things would slowly begin to shift and we'd find ourselves on different pages when it came to relationships, jobs, money, and children.

I didn't know these differences between us would become the norm, and that we'd have to let our friendships shift and change a bit, too.

I didn't know that life would be so hard at times that we'd have no idea how to help one another through it.

I didn't know that through our fumbles and failures in friendship we'd learn new ways of communicating, of supporting, of accepting, of loving each other.

I didn't know that despite time and distance, these women would continue to be the first ones I turn to in both joy and struggle.

I didn't know my dorm room neighbors would become my sisters, my confidants, my support system, my role models, my teachers, my best friends — for years well beyond those spent at Taylor.

I didn't know any of this, but God did. He brought us together as young, silly college girls, and He's kept us together ever since.


I am so grateful for my beautiful friends, and the weekend we just spent together — swapping clothes, telling secrets, sharing meals, having dance parties, taking millions of pictures, and learning to love each other even more.

Pocketful of sunshine.

Even on the most frustrating days — today being one of them — my beautiful blue-eyed boy makes me smile like no other.

He is such a gift.



Turn your face to the sunshine and all shadows fall behind.
-Helen Keller