The Break-Up.

Much like Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn in that slightly annoying movie where he gets her three lemons (baby wanted 12), I am going through a break up.

It's difficult for me to talk about, but if I've learned anything from The Biggest Loser (other than Tuesday nights are a great time to eat ice cream while watching tv), it's that talking through your pain shows strength.

So, here goes.

American Idol and I have called it quits.

It was amicable. I simply told American Idol that while I have enjoyed our time together, I didn't see a future for us and felt that I needed to move on. And then I waited for American Idol to cry, to protest, to beg me to watch again this season.

You guys, American Idol DIDN'T EVEN CARE. After five years together, American Idol didn't shed a single tear for the end of our relationship. In fact, American Idol didn't do anything except move on to its first round of televised auditions.

Are you kidding me? Even when the worst relationships end there's a mourning period — especially for the dumpee! Unless, of course, the dumpee knows the dumper is just being silly and trying to leave even though there's no possible way the dumper is actually going to be strong enough to do it because the dumpee is totally irresistible and the dumper has no willpower when it comes to the charms of the dumpee. Which is obviously not the case here, because I have absolutely no intention of going back to American Idol.

Yes, I did turn it on for a few minutes last week to see Posh Spice judge. But it's POSH - I couldn't possibly pass up the chance to see her cut some poor fool to shreds. Or smile on camera.

And I may have switched to Fox for a few minutes last night, but only because there was nothing else on. Really, nothing. Slim pickings.

But that doesn't mean anything. I am done with American Idol. D-O-N-E. It's a stupid time suck and I don't care about those people or their indulgent performances and poor song choices. I'd rather spend my valuable time watching something truly awesome, like Modern Family or Glee.

Although it took me about a week to figure out what the heck pants on the ground was. I guess if I'd watched American Idol I would have been part of the nationwide joke instead of a social misfit.

Plus I really really love Ellen DeGeneres, so I will probably have to tune in occasionally to see what she has to say.

And Glee isn't on again until April...

Oh, crap.

We are so not over.