One of my favorite lines from the movie Dan in Real Life is when Steve Carrell gets pulled over for the second time by the same police officer, who warns him that "this is gonna cost you." Dan's response? A smile and a mumbled "just put it on my tab."
Soon thereafter, he loses his license.
I empathize with poor Dan, except my tab is an ever-growing heap of mommy guilt. I realized pretty quickly after having Calvin that guilt comes with the territory. I don't think there's a mother alive who doesn't feel guilty about something or another related to her kids. For example:
When Calvin was about two days old, I sat in his room, exhausted and sobbing, wondering why I'd thought having a baby was a good idea. And then I cried more, because that's a terrible thing to think about your sweet, innocent child.
I'd like to start a tab, please.
When Nate first went back to work and I was home alone with Calvin for hours on end, I would stare at him and think: what am I supposed to DO with you? I don't know how to play with a three-week-old baby. So, I put him in his bouncy seat, sat on the floor next to him, and checked Facebook.
Yep, go ahead and add that, too.
When I left Calvin to play on a blanket in the living room for a minute, then came back in to find he'd rolled over and was watching Law & Order: SVU, I about died. Not only was he watching TV, he was watching a show about sex crimes.
Mmmhmm. Tab.
When I let him fuss in his crib one morning so I could sleep a few minutes longer, then went into his room to find him laying in a puddle of pee, I wondered if there had ever been a more neglectful mother.
Pile it on, baby.
And when I dreaded having to drop him off at daycare because I had to go back to work, only to find a few days later that I kind of liked being back at work...
Tab, tab, tabby tab.
Now my milk supply has diminished. Even though I'm pumping two to three times a day at work, I'm not making enough for him to eat while I'm there. So this past weekend I had to buy my first can of formula.
Sigh. One more, please.
I really hope they don't revoke my parenting license.
9 comments:
Yep. It's official. YOu are a bad Mom. I've never done any of those things. Poor Calvin. :)
I know, I'm awful. Luckily I only have about 50-60 more years of feeling guilty about stupid things.:)
love this post abby! i think we can all say "put it on my tab" SEVERAL times a day!!
As long as we're confessing....
By 9:00 this morning, I had apologized to my four year old about 12 times, and forced him to apologize to me about 7 times.
I screamed at my kids several times so I could get to our chapel on time for the worship. Yes, I'm sure God was pleased with my commitment to Him.
For lunch, Talya ate two hot dogs and a bag of barbecue chips. Simon had cheetos, and i'm quite sure the orange stuff that I forced him to lick off his fingers could kill him.
Naps are over, so let's see what further damage I can do. I'll throw some quarters in their therapy jar.
If those things make bad mommies, then aren't we all running up a huge bill? Mommy guilt is a b*%#@. It just is. You're doing great. Just because you're a mommy doesn't mean you have to stop being Abby.
I remember being so mad at Jeremy because he got to go back to work, and pretty much life as usual~ and my life changed forever.
Oh, and here: I never breastfed. Any of them. I'm 0 and 4. (In fact at this moment, I don't even know if it's breast fed or breastfed.) Similac poster children. That's got to make you feel better. ;)
I feel this opened up a wide door for confessions. One night when Maggie was calling for us in the middle of the night around 2 years oldish, I told Jeremy to leave her. She didn't stop. So he got up only to find her holding two handfuls of throw up and crying because there were raisins in her bed. There were. . .she had them with dinner. TAB!
Or the time where she rolled off the changing table at about 4 months old. TAB!
Good post Abs!
love it! i know you are a fabulous mama because you do feel guilt...it's the ones that don't that make you wonder!? love you!
I LOVED this post. Elliott's only two months old, and I can already relate to too many of these...and many more! :) I read it to Kelly I thought it was so funny and poignant. He loved it too. :) xoxo
Post a Comment