Indecision.

I'm the kind of person who, when asked by a friend where to have lunch, says, "I don't know, what sounds good to you?"

I'm also an opinionated person, and in the right situation I have no problem letting everyone know exactly what I think. But most of the time I'm happy to defer to someone else's judgment, to sweep my feelings under the rug, to just go with the flow. I don't like to decide. I don't like to inconvenience anyone. I don't like confrontation. I don't like to cause a scene or make a call that might not sit well with others.

It's stupid, really. Why can't I just say "Let's go to Panera!"

I hate that I'm so averse to making decisions, especially about insignificant things like where to go for lunch. Because when it comes time to make a big decision, I am nearly paralyzed by fear and doubt. Most likely because I'm out of practice.

As a parent, there are millions of decisions to be made. I knew that going in, but I thought parental decision-making would be fairly straightforward. I'm the parent, I choose what's best for my child. End of story. No outside opinions needed, no one to offend.

I never once considered that I may not know what's best for my child.

Last week Nate and I made a fairly big decision — we decided to move Calvin to a new daycare. It's a long story, but it all comes down to scheduling. Our current provider is wonderful, but she has requested a lot of paid time off as part of our contract, and her hours have become a challenge for us to accommodate with our work schedules.

So, we decided it was time to move on. After touring and interviewing a few places, we found what we think is going to be a really great new place for Calvin: a small Christian daycare center that only closes on major holidays and is open normal business hours. We loved it. Yesterday I went and picked up all the paperwork — Calvin is registered and set to begin mid-September.

Almost immediately I began second-guessing our decision.

Calvin loves his current daycare. He loves his provider and the other kids (and so do we). She has been so good to him, and for him. I'm sure he thinks of her as another mother — he's been with her all day, five days a week, since he was four months old. He is excited to arrive each morning, and often hesitant to leave. And within the last few weeks he's made some major strides behaviorally (thank you, Lord). He is happy and thriving there.

But I'm going to take all of that away from him because it's no longer convenient for me.

I feel incredibly selfish. And really sad. When we initially made the decision to find a new daycare it was all very logical — our current situation wasn't working for us, so we needed to find a new one. But now I just feel sick about it. I feel like I'm choosing to put my needs above those of my child. Which is crazy and untrue. I mean, I can't even put my needs above those of a friend when it comes to deciding on a lunch spot! This decision is not being made lightly; of course I want what's best for my son. But last night the guilt started creeping in, and I just kept wondering whether we could make our current situation work, for Calvin's sake.

Yes, we could. We could stay there and Nate and I could keep scrambling to find backup care every time there's an unexpected closing or a last-minute vacation. We could stay there and I could continue to feel like a crappy employee doing a half-hearted job because I'm always calling off or leaving early to cover daycare. We could stay there and spend all of our vacation time covering our provider's — leaving no time for our family to take a vacation of our own.

We could stay there, but it would require weekly, even daily, sacrifice on our parts. Am I willing to do that for my child? Yes, absolutely. Is staying there the best decision for my family? No, I don't think it is.

Nate made a good point last night — that I'm assuming this change will be detrimental to Calvin. That we'll be trading a good experience for him for good schedule for us. Which, from the looks of it, isn't really the case. I think he's going to love it there, once he gets through the transitional period. So, in all likelihood, we'll be trading a good experience for him and an inconvenient schedule for us for a good experience for him and a good schedule for us. A win-win. So why all the worry and second-guessing?

Just me, I guess. This is not my strong suit as a parent. Reading, playing, comforting, disciplining — yes. Making potentially life-altering decisions for my child — not so much.

I know this is just one of many decisions I'll have to make on behalf of my children, and a fairly easy one at that.

Heaven help me when a big one comes along.